Seriously.
I am incredibly difficult to get to know.
Of course the two go hand in hand.
I am not a social butterfly. Anyone who knows me knows this. I don't really like being put in situations where I am surrounded by new people, in uncomfortable places, talking about pith. I hate it.
I am the kind of person that if I want to meet new people, I want it to be on my own terms. This has caused many problems in my life.
Once I decide that I want to get to know you though, and that I want to befriend you, I'm the best friend you can ask for. The problem, of course is getting there.
What has brought me to this lowly state? I can't tell you one thing for certain. I can offer some suggestions though. First and foremost would definitely be childhood. Coming from a family with two parents that were divorced really screws with your mind. Is this an excuse that I utter? No. It certainly is not. However, getting shuffled from house to house, seeing two parents argue all the time, it messes with you. The consequence of all this was that I was always acting out against teachers, parents, etc. I was grounded all the time. ALL the time. I was forced to be alone for a majority of my 4th through 8th grade years. I learned to not be social, not be friendly, not be out-going. I learned how to be alone, and how to be really good at that.
I got a reputation for being the strange one. The smart one. The one that thought he was better than everyone else. Once you get that reputation in 4th grade, it sticks. Shitty ain't it? I shut myself off from everyone else. Sure, I had like two friends. That is about it though. I didn't want to meet new people. I liked being the loner--because I had gotten really good at it.
This reputation of course was not helped out in high school. High school--I was a dick. I was an arrogant asshole and I know it. Know what? I was good at it. I was good at distancing myself from having to make new friends, meet new people. I was rude, selfish, a jerk, etc. I know it. Everyone else knows it. I had my defenses up all the time, and didn't drop them for anyone. I of course was not helped by my decision to play the tuba--I couldn't think of a better way to alienate myself from civil society.
College, I regrettably didn't change. Ain't gonna lie. I went in with a full head of steam--full of myself, cocky as hell...and not making many friends in the process. Please don't misconstrue what I'm getting at. I don't judge the quality of a person by the number of friends they surround themselves. I do judge, though, that they have friends. I had some great friends. I truly did. I am still friends with some, and they are great people.
Of course, my "great transformation" is all due to Denise. Dur.
The end result, is that I am the way I am now. When I'm at work, I am paid to be friendly and outgoing. When I am at school, I am paying to be friendly and outgoing. Around new people, not so much.
I am shy.
I am quiet.
I am reserved.
I don't like being around a lot of new people that I don't know.
I like being at home, sitting with Denise, enjoying our time together.
The kicker is, for those who haven't figured out the irony, is that Denise is a social butterfly. She likes meeting new people, going out and about, going to parties. I like sitting at home.
When I get to know you, and you me, though, I am loyal, kind, supportive, understanding, someone who will stand at your side in your battles, and be there at 4 am to bail you out of jail. I just don't let that many people in.
What can I say, I'm strange.
Until later.
E
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