Its been a long time...

Hello there, loyal reader. I apologize for the delay. I hope that you will agree that it was worth it.

However...

I know the blog stresses my penchant for observations of the snarky, dare I say curmungeonly nature.  But, today's post is more of a memoir of sorts.  Some snark, lots of truth.

When I was in 4th grade I decided I wanted to play the trombone. I wasn't very good, my braces got in the way, and I hated practicing.  But I stuck with it.  At the same time, I was taking piano lessons.  You can guess--I wasn't very good, my giant sausage hands got in the way, and I hated practicing.  But I stuck with it.

I had to make a decision in the 5th grade: piano or trombone.  Trombone won out.

Played in junior high.  Played in high school.  Switched to tuba.  Love the tuba.  Tuba is fun.

Found out I really liked music--particularly, I loved watching the conductor in the band.  I decided that I too wanted to be a band director when I grew up.

Went to college as a music education major.  The thing about that decision is on day one of registration, you get handed a sheet of paper that has every class that you have to take in the next 4 1/2 years.  If you want to add anything that you may actually LIKE you have to do it in the summer, add a semester, or take 20+ semester hours at a time.  I chose the latter.

I liked theory, I liked composition.  So, I knuckled down, took a lot of classes [did you know I graduated WIU with over 200 credit hours as an undergrad? Usually takes 120 to graduate].  Got to the point where I was to do my pre-student teaching student teaching [sound confusing? it is.]  At the time, I did not have a car.  The ladies in the education department wanted me to go 45 miles for the pre-student teaching student teaching.  Told them about the car situation.  Their response: "guess you can't be an education major any more."  Way to go Western. Remember all those other classes I took? Thank heavens.  I was able to graduate one semester late with a degree in theory.

Went immediately to grad school.  Got a degree in conducting.  Always wanted to finish that teaching degree...

Ah well.  Graduated.  Masters.  Done.

Got a job.  In retail.  You know, that's what people who have two degrees in music do.

Fast forward 7 years to fall of 2009.  Get the wild hair up my ass to go back to school and actually finish the coursework to become a teacher.  Finally have a car.  Finally get the pre-student teaching student teaching done.

Get to student teach.  Yes!  Actually student teach.  Love it.

Where's all this going, Erich?

It's going to Elmwood, Illinois.

Because that's where I just got hired as the new band director.

Only took 25 years.

E

Back from the brink....

Yes, I remember that I have a blog to update.  Yes, I know I promised you all the next installment of "Puppy Dogs and Tridents."  So, here you go.

Puppy Dogs of the week--or last few weeks as it were:
1- Denise's birthday.  We had a rollicking good time this past Friday.  Bunch of us all got together for some Tapas (boy did we eat the hell out of some Tapas), then drinks at Blue.  It was a blast.  Good food.  Good people.  Good fun.  In addition--I normally suck at getting thoughtful gifts.  I'm good at getting dumb gifts, and I do like giving gifts to people, however, I suck at the "thoughtful" part.  As my uncle James is fond of saying, I think I nutted it this year.

2-Student Teaching.  Having a blast still.  Our first concert is Tuesday the 22nd.  We're performing pops music.  I get to conduct a lot.  It's going to be fun!

3-ISBE testing.  Done.  Passed.  Take that awkwardly worded questions.

4-3DS.  Played it.  Loved it.  So will you.

5-Prepping for BACONFEST.  50/50 burger anyone?  Hells yes.  Bacon wrapped chicken and dates?  Hells yes.  Bacon rice krispie treats?  Better be there!

Tridents to the Heart--

1-ISBE testing.  Yes, I passed.  But hell's bells.  It was only when I found out that questions had multiple "correct answers" did everything make sense to me.  WOW.

2-Last Friday at work.  UGH.  I can handle "difficult customers."  Really, I can.  However, last Friday was the "Yell at Erich day for no reason--and do it repeatedly, by the way."  I don't want to get into details, however, let's just say I could have told each person that walked in that they won a million dollars and still have gotten yelled at.  It was one of those days.

3-Mother Nature.  Seriously.  What the hell.  I have watched over and over all the footage from Japan, slack-jawed at the sheer scale of the destruction.  It's like a car-wreck.  I can't look away.  I keep on watching and watching and watching.  Seriously.  What the hell. If I had several Trillion dollars to give to the Japanese people to rebuild their lives I would give it in a heartbeat.

4-Lack of Money.  Why don't I have several Trillion dollars to give to the Japanese people?  Why don't I have several thousand dollars to pay both Denise and my bills?

5-Laundry.  I HATE laundry.  HATE HATE HATE laundry.  I do enjoy being clean and wearing clean clothes.  You can see the problem.  Denise and I have recently found a good cheap laundromat.  You can imagine, though, the "social element" that an establishment like this draws...and the various scents that are emanated from those same persons.  America at its finest I assure you.

That's all I wrote today.

Hope your day is...well.  [well enough to not have to write about....]

...on becoming a 1950s husband

For those not in the know, I am a very busy man of late.

Not busy in the sense, oh, I have to go to work, then come home busy--busy in the sense of I am student teaching AND working at the same time.

What does this mean?  Here's a breakdown for you...

Denise wakes me up at 530am on her way out.  Some days I wake up when she does [445--which really sucks]
I rouse myself, shower, eat my cereal, I'm out the door at 715am.
Drive to Brimfield [Monday through Friday], there by 740am.
Student teach until 3-320pm.
Drive back to Peoria--straight to work by 345pm.
Work until 915-930pm.
Drive home, there by 930-945.
Eat dinner.
Go to sleep by 1030pm.

Weekends?  Work all Saturday and most Sundays.

Days off?

Relaxation?

HAH!

What does this have to do with anything beyond a self-pity party?
1-I am always EXHAUSTED.  I'm not tired.  Tired is, oh--I think I should lay down and go to bed.  Exhausted is nodding off while driving home.
2-I get to see my beautiful wife all of about 20-30 minutes a day.  This sucks.  I miss spending quality time with Denise.
3-Denise has had to learn to fend for herself food-wise.
3a--Denise is teaching herself how to cook.

It is wonderful to be able to come home after a hella-long day of student teaching and work and have a left-over meal that my wife has prepared waiting for me.  I love it!  The kicker is, Denise has never really cooked before.  Sure, simple things here and there.  But meals?  No.  Not really.

Yesterday was fantastic.  She made a scratch potato soup [normally, I don't like potato soup--hers was really good] and scratch made apple turnovers.  Those turnovers were fantastic!  I am such a proud working husband!  I can walk in after 14 hours and greet my wife now and proudly ask "What's for dinner?" and there will actually be food for me, not the laughter that usually accompanied it before.

It is a simple pleasure.

I love it.


[I added this picture for my uncle. Enjoy.]

My favorite movies. I hope you like.

Its academy award weekend--which got me thinking movies—which I love.

Today's topic:  what are my favorite movies?  I'm going to start with all-time, then, if the muse carries me, I may branch off.

#1: Lawrence of Arabia.  

If you have never seen this movie, for shame.  It is an incredible monument of cinema.  The cinematography alone should put this movie in most peoples tops--throw in the soundtrack, and the performance of Peter O'Toole, and you have one of the best movies ever, and easily my favorite movie of all time.  

#2: A Clockwork Orange.

Kubrick.  Kubrick is the man.  Clockwork Orange is visually arresting, hypnotic, confusing, beautiful, troubling.  It is awesome.  I know that many people don't like this movie, and that's ok.  This is my list of top movies, not yours.  Plus, let us not forget the music!  Walter [now Wendy] Carlos electronic realizations of Beethoven and Rossini make this movie great.

#3: M.A.S.H. 

The movie, not the crappy watered-down version they turned into a T.V. show--I hate the T.V. show.  Best war movie ever.  Period.  It is black comedy in its finest.  Donald Sutherland and Elliot Gould are awesome as the original Hawkeye and Trapper John.  Plus, I really dig the early style of Robert Altman.

#4:  The Big Lebowski.

There are those that look at this movie and say "What the fuck?"  I look at it and laugh my ass off.  I have always likened The Dude to sort of a Buddha figure--serene, calm, centered.  Jeff Bridges, it should be noted is my absolute favorite actor of all time [As an aside, if you want a truly great Bridges role watch "The Contender" where he plays the president--priceless].  There was a period of about three or four months where I watched this movie at least three times a week.  Love it.

#5:  The Empire Strikes Back.

If you need an explanation, stop reading this.

#6:  Inception.

This is quite possibly one of the most original movies that I have ever seen.  Wow.  Such a unique, haunting movie. 

#7: Fog of War.

Robert Macnamara is probably one of my favorite historical figures.  For those who don't know he was the Secretary of Defense under JFK and LBJ.  He was Secretary of Defense for the Cuban missile crisis and the bulk of the Vietnam War.  Fog of War is a documentary about him and his work.  It is a fascinating portrait.

Plus, let's not forget that Philip Glass does the music.

#8: All the Presidents Men.

Best Redford movie.  In concert with Fog of War, All the President's Men is really fun look at my favorite period in world history [which is 1960-1974--JFK through Nixon].  It's one of those movies that you know what the end is, but it is still suspenseful [see also Apollo 13 or Thirteen Days].

#9:  The Great Escape.

Best ensemble cast ever.  Steve McQueen, James Garner, Donald Pleasance,  Richard Attenborough,  James Coburn, Charles Bronson...and those are just the big names.  Love this movie.  Honestly, I don’t really like war movies.  Funny that three movies in my top ten, then, are war movies.

#10: Blade Runner.

One of the most visually striking movies ever made.  Probably Ridley Scott's best movies [even though he won for Gladiator...]... The music, the look, the feel, the script, great movie.  One of the best intellectually challenging movies ever made [and yes, there is an answer to the question....].

#11:  [it's tie...] Pi / Black Swan.  

 

I have loved Darren Aronofsky for a long time.  I found Pi back when I worked at Blockbuster.  Fell in love. Awesome movie.  Black Swan is just as good.  Both movies explore paranoia like no others I have ever seen. 

Other movies I adore that just didn't quite make it--in no particular order...could be like my top 25 list?

Sunshine [please see this movie.  Great modern Sci-fi, directed by Danny Boyle]

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind [Best Romance movie ever made in my opinion]

There Will be Blood

Star Trek [the 2009 version]

Star Trek: The Motion Picutre

Star Trek IV

2001 [Funny fact: I own this movie on blu-ray.  Yes, its over 40 years old, holy shit this movie looks beautiful on blu-ray]

Dark City [another under-rated modern sci-fi movie]

The entire Lord of the Rings Trilogy

Bridge on the River Kwai

Back to the Future

Gladiator

Master and Commander [Yes, I also have a Russell Crowe thing...]

The Contender

Thirteen Days

Kick Ass

Fast Times at Ridgemont High [this is my favorite 80’s “coming of age” movie.  Plus, Phoebe Cates…ahhhh]

You will undoubtedly disagree with all my choices, and well, that’s ok.  They’re my choices.

Have fun.

E

No Mr. Bond, I expect you to die!

It's been a while.  I'm sorry that I have been remiss in my blogging responsibilities.  For compensation, I shall give you #3 on the list of things that I really don't like.

#3: Giggle Talkers and Loud Sighers

Let us begin by defining the problem.  What is a "giggle talker?"  Anyone who works with me knows immediately what I mean by this.  A giggle talker is someone that, during the course of normal conversation, giggles after every damned sentence.  Whether this is a nervous or jocund laugh is irrelevant.  The giggle is what pisses me off.

I have had circumstances where someone comes in to conduct business, and through the course of the conversation divulges some piece of bad, sad, or terrible news to me, and then giggles.  AHHHHHH!

Here is a "dramatic interpretation" of what I'm talking about.

"Hello Ma'am, can I help you find anything today?"
"No, hehehe, I'm just looking around today hehehehe" [it is at this point that I already dislike this person for giggle talking]
"Please let me know if I can help you!"
"OK hehehehe"
**A few minutes later**
"So, you have Gutless Weasels 13: Weasels weep not.  Is there anything else I can help you with today?"
"No hehehehe" as she lets out a small sob "I miss my weasel hehehe...he just died yesterday heheheh"
"I'm sorry to hear about this development" [I am wishing this lady dead by now].
"he was...heheh...everything to me! heheheh"

Yes, dear reader, I have had actual conversations with actual humans that actually sound like this.  Do I receive this level of personal melodrama everyday, no.  However, there's not a day that goes by without at least one giggle talker that comes in to ruin my day.

...which leads us to the second half of this presentation: loud sighers.
Imagine this situation....

Door chime at a random retail location goes off.  The attentive store clerk looks up to greet the customer who is walking in:
"Hello, sir"
"OOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.....hello.  OHHHHHHHHHH it's cold out there"
"Yes sir it is.  Is there something I can help you with today?"
"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, man, I'm SO cold....OHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
"Sorry to hear that.  What brings you in today?"
"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH......"

You can see where this is going.

I usually don't acknowledge the loud sigh.

What would be the worst is the dreaded 1 in 1000 deadly combination of the loud sigher and the giggle talker. It happens.  It happens way too often for comfort.

"Hello, sir!"
"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH....hello hehehehehehe, its cold today heheheheheehe.....OHHHHHHHHHHH"

There are reasons that I'm not allowed to bring a trident to work with me.

E

P.S.: A preview of future topics: My favorite TV shows, My favorite movies, a new installment of "Puppy dogs and Tridents", and...I don't know.  What do you want me to talk about?

I should come with an instruction manual

I am a real easy person to get along with.  

Seriously.

I am incredibly difficult to get to know.

Of course the two go hand in hand.  

I am not a social butterfly.  Anyone who knows me knows this.  I don't really like being put in situations where I am surrounded by new people, in uncomfortable places, talking about pith.  I hate it.  

I am the kind of person that if I want to meet new people, I want it to be on my own terms.  This has caused many problems in my life.

Once I decide that I want to get to know you though, and that I want to befriend you, I'm the best friend you can ask for.  The problem, of course is getting there.

What has brought me to this lowly state? I can't tell you one thing for certain.  I can offer some suggestions though.  First and foremost would definitely be childhood.  Coming from a family with two parents that were divorced really screws with your mind. Is this an excuse that I utter?  No.  It certainly is not.  However, getting shuffled from house to house, seeing two parents argue all the time, it messes with you.  The consequence of all this was that I was always acting out against teachers, parents, etc.  I was grounded all the time.  ALL the time.  I was forced to be alone for a majority of my 4th through 8th grade years.  I learned to not be social, not be friendly, not be out-going.  I learned how to be alone, and how to be really good at that.

I got a reputation for being the strange one.  The smart one.  The one that thought he was better than everyone else.  Once you get that reputation in 4th grade, it sticks.  Shitty ain't it?  I shut myself off from everyone else.  Sure, I had like two friends.  That is about it though.  I didn't want to meet new people.  I liked being the loner--because I had gotten really good at it.

This reputation of course was not helped out in high school.  High school--I was a dick.  I was an arrogant asshole and I know it.  Know what?  I was good at it.  I was good at distancing myself from having to make new friends, meet new people.  I was rude, selfish, a jerk, etc.  I know it.  Everyone else knows it.  I had my defenses up all the time, and didn't drop them for anyone.  I of course was not helped by my decision to play the tuba--I couldn't think of a better way to alienate myself from civil society.

College, I regrettably didn't change.  Ain't gonna lie.  I went in with a full head of steam--full of myself, cocky as hell...and not making many friends in the process.  Please don't misconstrue what I'm getting at.  I don't judge the quality of a person by the number of friends they surround themselves.  I do judge, though, that they have friends.  I had some great friends.  I truly did.  I am still friends with some, and they are great people.  

Of course, my "great transformation" is all due to Denise.  Dur.  

The end result, is that I am the way I am now.  When I'm at work, I am paid to be friendly and outgoing.  When I am at school, I am paying to be friendly and outgoing.  Around new people, not so much.  

I am shy.

I am quiet.

I am reserved.

I don't like being around a lot of new people that I don't know.

I like being at home, sitting with Denise, enjoying our time together.

The kicker is, for those who haven't figured out the irony, is that Denise is a social butterfly.  She likes meeting new people, going out and about, going to parties.  I like sitting at home.  

When I get to know you, and you me, though, I am loyal, kind, supportive, understanding, someone who will stand at your side in your battles, and be there at 4 am to bail you out of jail.  I just don't let that many people in.  

What can I say, I'm strange.

Until later. 

E

Love and other flightless waterfowl

Happy Monday everyone.  Truly.  I like Mondays--I'm the weird one.

Anyways, please accept my apologies in advance for todays divergence from my normally scheduled tone of snark, criticism, social commentary, and general ennui for todays post.

Instead, please enjoy this discourse on my absolute favorite thing in the world.

Love.

More specifically, my love for my beautiful wife.

There are only a handful of things that Denise and I ever really argue about [the #1 topic for argument is where or what we want to eat at any given time--go figure].  Among that discrete list of topics is included where we actually met.  The generalities are clear to both of us.  We were both in the WIU marching band [I was, at that time, a dashing trombonist; she was a stunning flaggette].  It was after band and I, with a friend, went up to Denise, Robin, and Sarah to ask if they wanted to travel to NIU for an upcoming football game.  What Denise and I argue about, though, isn't who said what, or when all this happened [it was early September 1999], we argue about what side of the street this all took place on.

Yes, dear reader, the side of the street.

It's important.

I can remember what she was wearing when we first kissed [a red t-shirt, green and red plaid pajama pants], what we did on our first "date" [watch Braveheart until like 330 in the morning], but neither one of us can convince the other what side of the street we were on [Denise contends that we had our conversation on the West side of Western Ave. in Macomb just off the practice field, I contend that the conversation was held on the East side of the street under a tree by Corbin Hall].

You may look at this argument and think to yourself that this is a triviality--which it absolutely is. It is an important triviality, damnit!

Is there a point to this strange story?  Of course there is.

Twelve years.  Twelve wonderful great, terrifying, happy years.  We argue about two things.  Sure, we have disagreements about money [who ,doesn't], two things though.  Great.

For all the curmudgeonly insights I offer, all the people I don't care for, the things that I don't like I am a hopeless romantic.  It's one of my dirty secrets.  The greatest thing in life, in the universe, period is love.  I'm sorry for crushing your delusional ideas about me.

Denise is the single greatest thing that has happened to me.  Bar none.  Period.  She is the absolute Yin to my absolute Yang.  My opposite, my equal, my moderator, and my motivator.

I am hopelessly devoted to her.  Hopelessly.

Every couple has their "googy" thing; their unique inside joke or reference that only this couple will know.  We have probably 3,721 different googy things.  I'm not going to tell you about all of them--rather, I'm going to tell you one.

The story of the noble penguin.

Penguins, as they say, mate for life.  Denise is my penguin.  I am hers.  It's that simple. I bet you thought it was something even more complicated or convoluted didn't you. It's simple.

The best day of my life, so far, was the day we got married.  The day was absolutely perfect from the Queen entry music to the burgers we ate at the barge.  Most importantly, though I married the one and only love of my life.

My penguin

My Denise.

I love you dearest, and will continue to do so for the rest of my life.

We shall return to our regularly scheduled snark and misanthropy tomorrow.  Until then, I shall quote the movie Moulin Rouge: "The greatest thing you'll ever know is just to love and be loved in return"